As is par for the course it has been too long between posts, but I am trying to remind myself to stay as consistent as possible. If I can keep posting despite the sporadic consistency, then some progress is being made. I wanted to share a brief interaction I had this week that somehow managed to prompt further thought despite its brevity.
I was scheduled to attend some firearms training at the department’s range on Friday. It had been a rather mundane week and I was looking forward to the opportunity to build my firearms skills. I have often realized that I need some sort of physical challenge to offset the great amount of time spent sitting behind a desk during most of my work activities. This opportunity coupled with the chance to spend some time outside in the fall weather was just what I needed.
I arrived at the range ten minutes early and spent that time rearranging my equipment so that I would be ready to shoot. By the time I finished getting my equipment in order and walked to the classroom it was 8:01. I walked up to the classroom door and saw a flash of motion when I was about 10 yards away. As soon as I saw someone moving towards the door inside the classroom, I knew what was going on. Our instructors are careful to remind everyone that training starts at 08:00 which means that students need to be in their seats at that time. Someone had seen me approaching the classroom after 08:00 and ran to lock the door.
I tried the door and, sure enough, it was locked. Now I faced a dilemma, I could either stand at the door and beg to be let in, or I could try to regain the upper hand. I turned around and immediately started walking back to my vehicle. As I walked away, I heard the door open behind me, which was an invitation for me to enter the classroom. I had been gently reminded to arrive on time and now I could face the ridicule that (deservedly) awaited me for being late. In an instant I decided to keep walking and tried to gain the upper hand against whoever my adversary was.
If I kept walking away from the classroom, I could possibly convince the other person, whose identity was unknown to me, that I was angry at them for locking me out of the classroom. With any luck they would see my supposed anger and apologize for locking the door on me. Once this was accomplished, I could safely judge them from my moral high ground for their juvenile act and I would be able to enter the classroom as the epitome of maturity despite my late arrival.
As I took several steps away from the classroom, I noticed that the apology was not arriving as I planned, and I had a decision to make. I could either walk all the way back to my vehicle and leave in a cloud of dust, or I could turn around, and enjoy the morning of shooting that I had been looking forward to. Fortunately, I made the right choice, turned around, and entered the classroom. Of course, I had to listen to a few comments about my tardiness, but that was an insignificant price to pay for an enjoyable morning of refining my shooting.
As I reflected on this incident, I noticed a few interesting items that are the reason for sharing this story. Firstly, I was not upset during any of this interaction until the moment when I turned to walk away from the classroom. It is not an uncommon occurrence for someone to get locked out of the classroom for being late, and, in fact, I have locked late-comers out of the classroom myself. Despite this I suddenly became upset as I was walking away. Thanks to my ego I was determined to gain the upper hand in this interaction. My own actions were the primary cause of my anger being kindled. I acted in a manner that showed my irritation which caused me to become irritated.
Throughout this interaction I had no idea who my adversary might be. It was not until I walked back into the classroom that I identified the perpetrator. It was someone who I count as a friend and respect very much. If I had allowed my wounded ego to carry me all the way to my vehicle and out of the parking lot I would have caused a rift between that person and I. There is no doubt in my mind that this incident would have been the latest gossip and spread like wildfire. I am frightened by the thought that something so simple and trivial could have been the cause of great friction between this person and I and possibly would have effects that rippled out further.
In this case I allowed my ego to get the best of me and only by pure luck did I stumble into making the right decision. While I started the interaction emotionally detached, I influenced my own emotions which led to me becoming angry for no reason. This incident has served as an example to me that my emotions drive my actions, but my actions also drive my emotions. I need to be willing to accept chastisement and correct my actions rather than refuse to allow myself to “lose” an interaction which can result in more extreme consequences.
Comments